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Being rejected is secondary. It’s the regret of how you felt, that does the greater harm.
She sat on the windowpane, inhaling a cold breeze, with a sigh. Her ears anticipated each honk of the car on the road below, that tore the pitch-black 3 am.
He didn’t turn up! Each passing minute was like light-year. Trying hard to keep her eyes open in moonlit darkness, she took a momentary nap on the windowpane.
The next thing she knew was, being carried in his strong arms from the Windowpane to bed. Gently, he kissed the corner of her lip, and rolled her on the bed, and snuggled into her bosom. While her arm loosely draped around his head, stroking her smooth young hairs. It was hard to keep off her racing wishful desires. She wanted to cuddle into the hollow of his neck, feel wanted by him.
“Thud!”, she was rudely shoved out of
No! Wait, she chided herself. Was it a even a dream?
No! No! No!
It can better be defined as waking-dream-wish fulfilment.
Yes, it was? very much a wish, to be wanted by Sameer.
Before rushing down Meera pinched her cheeks and chewed her lips to bring the blood to its surface, to bring out the colour. Loosened her hairs to look groggy. To look sensuous.
With a faint smile, he came up wearily, without bringing the lights to life, and snored into a deep slumber. This was a chore since some months. She wanted to shove him from sleep, and tell him how far she waited for him?
How badly she anticipated tonight?
How much she wanted to be cuddled and brush her cheeks with his prickly stubble?
How much she waited, like every night?
How it feels to gauge out his mood. Gah! It’s impossible. Frustrated? Tired? Down?
Why was he distancing from her? Damn why?
Waking up, she found her bed empty. Before she could call him, she heard the roar of car engines coming to life. He was off, for work. How helpless she felt again. Everything outside was perfectly timed. The elders pleased their Gods, younger ones went to their respective zones. Some had their breakfast, while some went for morning rituals.
Except for her, there was growling chaos inside her. Today she wanted to confront Sameer.
It would either end up in a family uproar, or painful accusations. Again, he may slam the door over Meera’s face, and return late. She hated washing dirty linens in public. She didn’t wanted the outsiders to know what happened into her four-walled enclosure called ‘bedroom!
Again she wondered, why couldn’t he understand her love and acceptance! Wasn’t she convincing? It made her crazy to tarnish the relationship under the tag of love.
Was she less attractive now? Or was it a fling, that drew his attention somewhere?
Restless, Meera couldn’t focus on well being of 4 year old son. She wrote a letter every day, but kept it unposted. She wanted Sameer to understand her, even when was silent. But the situation was different now, she gesticulated powerfully, on how she felt on being wanted or rejected!
The bottled-up frustration drew her mad, because quite a times she was the sexual initiator, and was turned down. She felt a stab of burning agony, of being rejected. If not me? then who? she kept wondering.
The pleasure, she experienced by advancing sexual desires, did not lasted long, as the pains of rejection did. The faucet at the back of her mind kept dripping the agony of why suddenly he is no more interested in something that kept him engrossed for hours?
She wanted to collar him, scan his eyes, and ask ” What was the rejection for?”
It was love marriage between the two. The school friends converted into passionate lovers. After finishing their formal education, they tied a knot.
Each night was a celebration of fulfilment and each day intensified with closeness skin to skin. They actually affirmed the fact that they were a perfect sexual match for each other. She enjoyed his enveloping heat.
In the faintest moment, if at all they had a conflict, it was arbitrated by intimate intercourse.
But the reality was fragile. Meera felt a stab of guilt on feeling fragile, she wasn’t she though! She was strong, enough for both of them. She sighed.
The most valuable thing was she loved him, but something poised her love now.
How could she assume the sudden disdain and detachment?
Was it the third angle between the two? or something else?
For quite some time she sat on the bedroom floor leaning her back to the bed. She grieved and cried for long.
Something or someone appeared from thin air like a silent mouse and ruined everything.
But what was it?
A woman? or something worse?
Meera couldn’t bring out a conclusive proof because her search area was dark, scarce and opaque.
Today she was dead determined to find out without creating a scene.
As a newly found habit, Sameer came back late that night.
Meera simulated her groggy appearance and didn’t bother at his dinner denial.
As usual, Sameer distanced himself on the corner of the bed, and a wicked silence lulled between them, making a comfortable space.
To find out the cruelest deception she tiptoed to the bathroom, suffocating her pain. She rummaged his pockets and wallet. Maybe a telltale clue of that invisible intruder in their life, pop up, and get itself discovered, like the tiniest crime evidence.
Hastily, she tried smelling his shirt and trouser, but all she could smell was the thorny smell of his body mingled with dust and perspiration. Giving a quick glance to his wallet, she found a visiting card.
The blood pounded in her heart with wild and least expected revelation.
She didn’t knew how long she stood there in a semi-trance glaring at a cardboard piece of rectangle. It was a visiting card.
Dr Don’t worry.
sexologist & psychiatrist.
Meera’s body slumped, sac-like. This was baffling. No! she screamed internally.
Her brain couldn’t gather the missing information.
What? When? How?
Now the fog of misunderstanding was getting clear. She could now relate to his reluctance on intimacy. She felt a stab of guilt and pain.
They shared love, and it’s making. They cried and copulated and conversed after copulation. They thought they were the best lovers.
lovemaking was the ultimate solution to their fights. A quick fix to every problem, anxiety or a bad day. And today her husband lost his lovemaking loyalties.
This was the unbearable quadrangle of love.
A frightening species of love destruction…
Scrubbed by helpless love, she returned back to Sameer. How quickly the rage shifted? Now she felt guilty of being suspicious on her husband.
She lay her face on Sameer’s tired face.
“Hey, what?”, he woke up startled with the teardrop drenching his cheek.
Resolved but reluctant, she confessed the discovery and wrapped her arms to solace.
This was the day of love, not making love.
She caressed and smoothened every creased worry and anxiety about his mental health. Boy, she loved him so much. Sameer stirs and shifted his head off her chest, looking lost.
He cried and confessed. And loved to the extent Sameer could exercise.
It was erectile dysfunction. And the Dr Don’t worry, promised him that some medication with love and care, will soon solve the problem. Erectile dysfunction can be treated and cured. Folks can get back to their sexual lives. All they need is a patient partner without accusation.
Erectile dysfunction is an inability of a male to keep the penis erect and firm for the intercourse. A blue moon non-erection cannot be the cause of concern. But if it’s a habitual occurrence for quite some time, one should see the sexologist, and with your partner’s support, it’s much a treatable affair. A little patience and time can help you win your almost lost battle.
That night they did not make love. But it was the satisfaction lovemaking can match.
Erectile dysfunction also referred ED has undermining effects.
It ruins the self-esteem of a woman, who takes the unaddressed suffering. Unfulfilled desires are one of the leading causes of broken marriages. Women also resent and accuse their partners and finally withdraw from a relationship.
Intimacy is the foundation of a marriage, and if this basic factor is missing, there is complicated chaos of counter-accusations.
For a couple who want’s to resolve the villain
their lovemaking, the first step is opening up, and them understanding the reasons of ED.
Because Meera believed in love, not chanting mantras or taweez for her conjugal bliss.
Confronting the problem diminished their anger and frustration, also brought Meera and Sameer firmly close, both the ways, mentally and physically.
They do fight, but on different petty issues like missing a movie and forgetting the grocery. Which they smoothly resolve with their exciting and attractive strategies.
P.S- The invisible intruder, is the human stories I’ve listened and learnt.
I agree to the fact that not all the problems can be resolved with lovemaking, but this for those who want to, and those who think they can. This story of Meera and Sameer surely will serve the purpose.
Any relative experiences are welcomed.
~ SEEMA VIRANI KHOLIYA
Seema is well educated literature lover and blogger who loves to write on human subjects and fiction with passion and in depth study. JVpedia welcomes her contribution.